


The butterfly effect

by Ukulelepopgod



Category: frerard - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, BoyxBoy, Cancer, Depression, Frerard, Illness, Love, M/M, MalexMale, Mental, Multi, Sickness, dying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-21 06:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10679181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ukulelepopgod/pseuds/Ukulelepopgod
Summary: Cancer spreads through the body of Gerard like a bush fire spreads through the land of trees.Just like cancer, love spreads through all his emotions when a certain hazel eye body just happens to stumble across him from when receiving treatment much like Gerard.They call this the butterfly, causing chaos within not just Gerard but the other mystery boy too. Acting like a bomb between the two, can love create an unbreakable link or seep through the pores of their skin ending in utter chaos and destruction.The butterfly effect.





	1. Tangled cords

Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? 

Or the placebo effect?

I believe that the butterfly effect was a spectacular thing, chaos rise within on area despite what may have happen more chaos will rise from the small little accident or what ever you want to believe its called. Cancer was exactly like the butterfly effect, starts of small but eventually causing more chaos in different parts of my body. 

On my sixteen birthday I was diagnosed with leukaemia aka shitty cancer that refuses to leave my body, I had cancer cells littering my ribs an chest area, I was a human christmas tree when I saw the x-ray sheets. I honestly wasn't surprised just I dunno annoyed I guess.  
I'm nineteen now meaning I've gone for the past three years downing pre-scripted medication three times a day and numerous needles a month which never goes smoothly since I had formed a violent fear of needles growing up. 

My mum smiled up to me as I sat up on the bench getting mentally ready for another needle to be injected into my skin. I swallowed thickly feeling sweat linger on my body and my heart pulse painfully. "Small pinch on three...two...one" The sharp sting made me sick, I could feel the liquid seep from the sharp tip of the metal into my bloodstream making me feel cold on the inside. 

"Now you know when your next appointment is?" Dr.Princeton looked to me with a soft gaze. "September twenty-first" I replied with a mono tone. "Good job!" The nudged me playfully, rolling my eyes I pulled my sleeve down throwing the cotton ball with a spot of my blood in the bin hoping off the bench. 

"Hows the search for answers going?" Princeton asked disposing of the needle and syringe. I shrugged with disappointment. "Nothing yet" I groaned. Mother and Princeton both knew about my search for the meaning of life and all the answers I seek but nothing yet, they seemed to be just as disappointed. Hooking my tank back up properly swiping my coal black short hair out of my face slightly fixing my cannula cords up.

Oh yeah I carry a tank around, you know the move "The faults in our stars" yeah well picture her tank, yup thats what I walk around with and it sucks but you make do. Lifting my sleeve back up I noticed slight bruising where the needle went it and I started to worry, anxiety was always a problem for me, when something would make someone slightly upset it would scare the life out of me. I showed my mother and she touched it gently and smiled. 

"Just a bit of bruising darling" I nodded saying my goodbye to Princeton taking ahold of my tank and walked out of the door dragging the tank holder behind me up to receptionist. Mother talked to the women behind the counter for a small while telling me I could sit down on the seats incase I lost breath.

Throwing my body on the chair resting the tank in between my feet tapping it with my foot softly.  
A doctor with a women and male walked passed stopping slightly telling them to talk a seat not that I was listening. The doctor moved from in front of them turning around catching my eyes. 

It was Rose, my family friend, standing up taking of my cannula for a while and wrapped it around the spare cords and handle I stepped forward and hugged her as she smiled squeezing me back. 

"Gerard darling how are you!" 

"Doing slightly better still dying though you?" She smacked my shoulder giving me a fake scold smiling right after. "You're not dying you drama queen, I'm doing fine thanks hun just busy-shit I better get back to my actual dying patients" She whispered only allowing me to hear, I giggled softly kissing her cheek goodbye waving her off ushering out of the room playfully. Rose knew I was dying because lets face it, theres more cancer cells in my body than there is normal blood cells but Rose always made sure she never said anything like that and made me believe I was going to live for forever and I was grateful for that. 

Sitting back down since I was loosing my breath rapidly since I stupidly took my oxygen away. I wasn't aware how tangled I left my cords and I couldn't get it off, I started to panic because I couldn't breath and it would budge. It was as bad as untangling earphones. 

I threw a glance to mother but she wasn't looking at me and I needed help like now. 

"Ahh mum" I heard a small voice talk but I focused on my stupid cords!

"Shit" Hearing footsteps I sense someone bend down in front of me, looking up I saw a big pair of hazel eyes look up at me before he used his hands to help untangle my cannula. It took up a minute together to unwrap the thing and when he held it freely to me I was rushed to get it on underneath my nose and around my ears.I breathed in the cold oxygen in greedily feeling the burning sensation float away. 

I fell back into my chair gulping the air down closing my eyes feeling exhausted. Hearing coughing I peered through my dark eyelashes seeing the boy from before look to me with worried filled eyes.

"Are-are you okay?" I nodded to his question. The boy had a small soft voice, very delicate to hear. It sounded almost broken.

"Thankyou-so much" I thanked breathing deeply. I glanced to his side seeing the women he was with look at us with a gentle gaze. The boy nodded and went back to his chair which was directly in front of me. I took in his appearance, short ink black hair, piercing hazel eyes, pale skin and soft pink lips. I noticed his hands were drowning in the ends of his sweaters, he actually rather short I mean not short like a midget just well probably shorter than me. 

My mother came back from the receptionist with papers. I stood up on shaky legs, a reaction from the lack of oxygen holding onto my mothers arm to help I stayed still focusing on breathing. "Sweetie whats wrong?" Mother asked.

"Cord got stuck...again" I groaned feeling slightly light headed but all way good. "Stupid thing, I'm taking off the extra cord unless you have two noses" mother laughed shaking her head. We started to make our way towards the door entrance and I threw my head to the side seeing the boy with hazel eyes staring back at me. I smiled to him seeing a grin take over his face and a small sweater paw rose and waved to me. I waved back then left the building wanting to go home and sleep because thats all I do when having cancer.


	2. We meet again...

"Gerard darling time to wake up"

"No"

"Get up lazy bones"

"Mum sleep heals, let me heal" I groaned into my pillow feeling my duvet be ripped from my cold body. Peering through my eyelashes my mother ripped my curtains open letting the sunlight touch my skin. "Mum it burns!" Laughing I threw a pillow over my face. "Stop being a baby and get up" She left my room leaving me to groan in protest but I sat up changing over my cannula cord for my day time one which is longer. 

I was still slightly sore from the chemo therapy sessions four days ago and it usually wears me out for almost a week but I make do.

Descending to the kitchen dressed in skinny jeans and a faded misfits shirt with unbrushed hair. My brother sat lazily at the table, glasses just thrown on his face tried eyes burning holes into his plate of food.

My brother Mikey had always looked rather bored with life but he has his moments, Mikey and I have always been pretty close and when I was diagnosed with cancer he had turned a little sadder, I guess he was afraid of me dying as my mother was but that didn't frighten me as it should. 

Setting my tank under the table I fell into a chair across from Mikey who looked up pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose lips tugging into a smile when looking me in the eye. 

Mother sets a coffee down in front of me and instantly smiling I hold the mug in my pale hands feeling warmth spreads over my skin, the coffee was smooth going down and very rich which I enjoyed. 

Mikey looked at his watch sighing dramatically when stood up pushing his chair back in. "Got to go mum" Mikey leaned over and kissed mothers cheek. "Where?" I got curious. "Work"   
"Oh" Sometimes I forget he has a job, I mean sometimes I get jealous because I'm not able to go out and work because well you know the cancer and all. I slouch my shoulders sipping my coffee a bit slower now. 

To think about it I'm not really able to do anything now, I had to quit school and can't attend university, can't work, can't do anything besides sketch and paint and the worst thing is I can't sing no more, I was a singer ready to go to university for a degree in arts but that was taken from me, if I attempt to sing I run out of breath quickly.

"Gerard we need to collect your next round of meds from Princeton today" Mother rubbed my shoulders. I groaned hitting my head on the table softly but got up from my chair and dragged my tank to my room collecting my converse then met my mother by the door.

Summer time in new jersey was always warm, sun shining almost everyday warming my skin up and yet I'm very pale as pale as milk well thats what everyone around me describes it as. Growing up in Jersey wasn't all that bad, the locals here were nice and very caring despite some neighbour hoods and a few teenagers that scare the shit of me but overall it was okay. I shrugged my hoodie off before getting into the car not needing the extra warmth leaving it resting on the back seat. 

The ride to the hospital was quiet as music played over the radio. Novocain by Greenday filled my eyes as I hummed the tune to myself. I could easily drive my self everywhere since I learn't to drive when I was 16 but mother always prefers to go with me when making trips back to the hospital, I can't refuse it though because one day I might not be here to enjoy the car rides with her no more. 

The parking lot was rather full nothing new, managing to get a spot new the door thanks to our sticker on the window shield that gets us our special parking spot we entered the automatic doors I've grown used to smelling the scent of debug, latex gloves and other chemicals but it was faint to me since I have my cannula connected. The white walls of the rooms and hallways gives me a calming feeling, the colour white has always calmed me down as did pastel pink and faint peach.

The colours purple and green gave me a vibe of anxiety. Weird to think of colours that I've grown up with this way but it's just the way my mind works. 

Rose bounced her way over to my mother hugging her tightly making my mother grin before Rose latches onto me. Always with the hugging, whats wrong with a handshake? but I don't mind, sense of comfort was nice. They chatted for what felt like hours as I started leaning on my mother from boredom when she noticed my existence again asking for Princeton. Rose led us down the hallway that I've walked numerous times to Princeton office opening the door for us. 

Mother never went to the pharmacy for my medication, we always went back here to Princeton for a new round when we well I ran out. Princeton didn't mind because it mean't a small break for her and a conversation for both her and mother while I stand there looking in gossed to the conversation but really I'm lost in my own little world. 

My head snapped up from the floor when the sound of pain was heard from down the hallway. Princeton sighed rubbing her head excusing her self walking down the hallway, mother and I followed since we assumed it was appropriate time to leave. 

When Princeton made a turn stopping at a door way I behind her, stopping my tank from rolling I peered over her shoulder seeing the boy from the other day that helped with my cords, the hazel eyed boy sitting in a chair hooked up to a machine face scrunched up and fist clenched. The look of discomfort and pain was written across his face and I felt bad for the boy. 

By the looks of it he was receiving chemo as well. 

His eyes fluttered open lolling his head to the side looking to the women who sat with a sadden look holding his hand. Princeton walked in exchanges words with the other doctor as the boy just sat there looking like he wanted to die. I knew the feeling all to well. "Gerard come one" Mother tugged at my sleeve of my hoodie that I had put back on, her voice must have disturbed the boy since his eyes wondered over to mine. 

His eyes widen but soften as we held eye contact. I wanted to know his name, something about him was drawing me to him. 

"Whose that?" The boy asked Princeton, holding a shaking finger in my direction. Princeton followed his finger looking to me smiling. "That's Gerard, he's a patient as well" I smiled crookedly to the boy who returned it but it dropped shortly from the pain. "Nice to meet you" He whispered breathing deeply chest rising and dropping rapidly. "His names Frank, I'm his mum" The women holding his hand told me. Frank.

The name suited him oddly well.

"Focus on your big toe" I blurted out seeing his eyebrow raise eye confusion splattered over his face. I stifled a giggle seeing everyone look at me like I was a crazy person. 

"To help numb the pain from your thoughts, think of your big toe and only that one and move then also clench your hands into tight fist" I instructed he still didn't look convinced but made a face of concentration as he stared to his right foot.

His pale hands turned into fist going paler at the knuckles. A smile crept to his face looking back to me.

"It-it helps" He admitted as his mother looked astound holding a genuine smile, Frank's chest stopped rising and dropping rapidly as he slowed his breathing. I felt nice knowing I felt him learn to cope with the pain. "Thank you Gerard" His doctor spoke with a sweet tone.

Saying goodbye since mother wanted to leave, I gave a last look to Frank, he looked sad and in pain but making eye contact he lit up slightly and waved with his middle and index finger since he wasn't allowed to move his arms. 

I waved back dragging my tank down the hallway. Beeping echoed out making me jump realising my tank was alerting it needed changing soon, estimated that it had thirty minutes left in it and I was heading into town after not home. Shit I must have forgot to do that before I left.

Mother noticed and told me to wait in the waiting room as she would alert one of the doctors, last time we had to change it in the hospital it took forever so I settled in a chair. Mumbling and groaning was heard through the room then I wasn't alone. 

Frank and his other were being led back in the room by his doctor, they were seated on the same row of chairs as me but at the other end. Ears dropping they wanted him to stay back for a short while keeping an eye on him. 

Keeping my focus on my tank I heard the pair mumble before my name was being called. Looking to the source of the voice Frank was looking over to me. I watched him stand up with a moan shuffling over to me despite his mothers protest and slumped down beside me.

"Hey" He sounded out of breath. "Finished already?" I asked. "I started a little over a hour ago" He breathed out rubbing his hands together. "I thought *breath* you were leaving?" I felt him look at the side of my head and I was shy to look back at him so staring at my tank it was then. 

"Mums getting another tank" I kicked the tank holder hearing him hum understanding. Awkward silence surrounded us like a wet blanket and I felt like I was suffocating well that was until he decided to break the silence with a rather absurd question. 

"Does that feel funny?" Looking to the boy head titling to the side I was utterly confused at his question. "The uh-" He waved a slow finger at my face then I realised he was talking about my cannula. Smiling I shook my head since I was used to the feeling air being forced through my air ways. 

He gave me a look of a five year old and I found it amusing. I lifted my arms unwrapping the clear cord from my ears and from underneath my nose then wiping the nubbins on my jeans cause you know germs. Making a rather bold move to the boy who I first glanced at four days ago I leaned closer to his face then proceed to tucked his ink black hair behind his ears before hooking the cord over his ears and placed the nubbins underneath his nostrils making him giggle probably since it was slightly cold. 

Leaning away I watched as he smiled going crossed eyed to look at the cord, he was breathing deeply through his nose rising his shoulders up. 

"It tickles" He stated touching it with his fingers wiggling his nose by scrunching his face up slightly. Burning was starting to occur in my lungs and chest slightly in my throat but I ignored it by breathing deeper watching as the boy was amused by my source of oxygen. 

"Hey ma look!" Frank called out and the women looked up before horror struct her face. "Frank give that back!" She scolded, Franks face fell into horror as well looking back to me like he had been stabbed. "Oh shit you can't breath!" He yelp trying to get it off from his ears quickly. 

I gave a breathy laugh holding my hands up for him to stop. He dropped his and I untangled it from his hair and took the nubbins from his nostril looking to his denim clad thighs and wiped the nubbins on him with a smirk before hooking my self back up to him drinking in the crisp oxygen greedily. 

"Gross" He giggled.

"Sorry about that Gerard" His mother apologised and I laughed shaking my head. "It's okay he's not the first, my brothers boyfriend did the same thing" I laughed rethinking the memory. Did I forget to mention that my brother was a flaming bisexual as I here was the rather flamboyant and straight to it gay guy in the family.

I came out to mum when I was fifteen then Mikey presumed to do so that literally at the end of last year. Mother didn't care she said as long as we're happy and I guess we are. 

Mikey was dating a guy named Pete. Pete was a lovable douche, very childish as times but made Mikey really happy so that's all that mattered to me. I may have cancer and can't breath properly but I said to Pete is he hurts my brother then I'd beat him with my tank. 

"Hey sweetie sorry that took so long" Mother returned with a tank bending down to replace it. I felt the air be cut off when she disconnected it and took the tank out of the holder before switching it over and connected me back up letting me breath properly again.

Holding onto my mothers hand she pulled me up from the chair, stumbling on my feet gripping my tank handle I said goodbye to Franks mother then looking to the boy with a grin. 

"Bye Frank" I smiled. "Goodbye Gerard" He waved with a sweater paw. Leaving the hospital with a fresh dose of medication and a new tank I was ready to spend the rest of the day down town. Getting in the car I grew cold since cold hands were a side effect of the cancer, I buried my hands in my hoodie pocket feeling the fabric warm my skin up but the tip of my fingers touched something. 

I pulled that something out seeing a small bit of paper within my fingers folded up. Unfolding the paper I see a number sprawled out in black ink with a small message underneath. 

'Iero'

What's Iero? putting the paper back into my pocket so I can call it later and see what Iero was I buckled my seat belt up getting ready to leave the car park.


	3. Beginning of all things

I didn't see Frank at the hospital since our last occurrence. 

Not that I was utterly heart broken about it but something about the boy, something about his bright hazel eyes, dark inky hair and pale features seemed to draw me to him each time. It had been about a week or two now since I've seen him last which reminded me about the piece of paper I had found in my hoodie pocket the day I left the hospital after I let him try out my cannula.

Sitting on the window ceil of my room watching the cars go by I reached into my hoodie feeling around for the paper but it had gone. Scrunching my eyebrows together I moved to my desk glazing my eyes around until the word 'iero' in black ink on crisp white paper stood out. 

Picking it up I felt around for my phone and sat back down on the window jotting the number down not pressing call yet, I let my thumb hover over the screen for the passing minute.

Swallowing any fear about who could pick up I pressed call dropping the paper onto the floor pressing the phone to my ear flinching at the slight coldness that came with it. The call rang out for a moment before the line was picked up and shuffling was heard.

"Hello?" A voice so familiar chirped but I couldn't think of who was speaking and it bugged the shit out of me. "Uh hi? I found your number in my pocket" I spoke with a whisper like it was some sort of secret. I heard the person on the other end hum and the sound of scratching of hair caught my attention when I heard a slight gasp fill through the phone. 

"Gerard?"

"Uh yeah...whose this?"

"Frank...I may have slipped my number into your pocket" I felt like I could hear him grinning through the phone. I smacked my forehead smiling to my self, hearing him laugh made me stifle a chuckled before collecting myself. "Whats Iero?" The question still bugged me so why not question the person who gave the paper to me. "My last name...Iero" He chuckled once more pronouncing it differently from how I did, now that makes sense. 

"Frank Iero" I pronounced being careful of how I presented the name. I heard him mumble stuff, only gathering a word of two of what he said. "I'm sorry?" I spoke into the phone glancing out my window feeling the sunlight touch the trees softly. "I said...y-you say that beautifully" He stuttered out as my red was over whelmed with heat as was my neck. I smiled into the phone biting my lip from making a child like noise. 

"Frank are you busy?"

"Uh no...why?"

"Well I'm bored, did you want to meet up?" 

Frank had said yes and where to meet, I said the local park which wasn't very far from my place. I like the park it was a slight maze of tree's, lime green grass which was super soft and the sun touched the earth perfectly there. It was the only place where I felt like I could breath properly. Heading into the kitchen where mother was making lunches I put my converse on seeing the red colour of them starting to fade.

I needed a new pair anyway, I was thinking about green or purple for my next pair. 

"I'm heading out for a while" I told mother seeing her give a curious look. "With Frank from the hospital" I smiled seeing her give me a toothy grin and the look she was offering was the look I knew all to well. "Mum we're friends jesus" I groaned hearing her laugh but I was busy questioning my self if we were friends or not.

Saying goodbye I tugged my tank and self out the door into the streets where the wind was warm and the sun kissed the back of my neck where my shirt didn't cover. 

The park was only a two minute walk from my house so I didn't loose breath easily. When my feet touched the grass of the park I x-rayed the park looking for hazel bright eyes and ink black hair but no avail. I sighed waiting on the grass, legs tucked together and the tank resting by my feet, I messed around on my phone texting my best friend Josh. 

My friend Josh, Josh Dun, we had met in high school, year seven and instantly became best friend since we both lacked the socialising trait and had the same taste in music. 

Josh was also an art student and was in all of my art subjects which I loved. When Josh found out I had been diagnosed with cancer I feared he was going to leave me but it was the opposite, he got closer and refused to leave my side at any cost and I owe my life to that boy. 

Just like Mikey Josh was bisexual and I believed he was currently trying to get with a guy named Tyler, I'm still waiting to meet this boy named Tyler but it will come soon enough. 

Instead of texting Josh had called me, instantly picking up with out a thought I smiled hearing him greet me cheerfully. "Why hello there!" I giggled to his childlike greeting. 

"Well if it isn't the one and only Dun" responded, talking with Josh was very easy and entertaining especially when you get into an argument about aliens with him, you only pretend to fight to watch how passionate he gets, really its just for your own entertainment. 

"Why do you sound out of breath? Is everything okay?" Josh started freaking, he was very protective and caring which always brings a smile to my face. "Josh I'm okay just sitting in the park...waiting" 

"For?"

"A friend" I heard Josh make a weird sound. "What am I not good enough anymore" Fake sounds of pain and sadness laced his voice, clearly you could tell he was joking. "I'm sorry Josh but I've met someone else" I played along hearing him gasp in fake shock. "Traitor!" He reacted the star wars 'traitor' scene into the phone making me loose slight breath from laughing mumbling 'nerd' to him.

"So who is this newbie?" He always calls a new friend newbie, weird really. "His name is Frank, I met him at the hospital" 

"Aw cute!"

"Shut it Dun" I groaned. "What about you huh hows Tyler?" I pronounced with a cheeky tone, he groaned loudly making me pull the phone from my ear slightly. "Lets not go there please" Dropping the subject instantly under his request, we talked for another ten minutes joking around over the phone call when I was staring at the grass in front of me and a pair of black combat boots appeared in my view. 

Looking up still on the call the pair of hazel eyes I've been waiting for was staring down to me. Saying a quick good bye to Josh, he tried to ask what was going on frantically but I hung up.

"Hey" I crooked out watching him smile. "Hello" I stood up not wanting to sit down no more but since weak legs and all I struggled slightly until he gave me his arms to hold onto and pulled me up. Thanking him I brushed off any dirt on my jeans. "Want to walk?" I asked and he looked slightly worried, was it something I said. 

"Will you be okay...you know with-" He cut himself pointing to my tank. I nodded holding the handle of my tank readjusting my cannula before we slowly started walking.

Taking in his appearance beside me, he looked paler than last time, movements were slow and I noticed his eyes lacked the glint they usually held. Not questioning it we walked slowly through the park on the foot path the sound of the wheels on the tank holder was the only thing we could hear along with out footsteps and breathing. 

"Can I ask you something?" Frank suddenly spoke scaring me slightly as I told him it was perfectly fine. "When were you diagnosed?" I hummed thinking about for the answer. " I was 16 when they found it" I answered listening to him hum. "How old are you now?" Curiosity still ate away at him. "I'm nineteen now" 

"You've been like this for three years?" Shock filled his voice. I nodded.

"Yep it just doesn't want to leave me" I stopped walking for a moment letting my lungs catch up with me. He stopped as well concern filling his eyes, he place a hand on my back patting it softly as I breathed deeply. "You okay?" I nodded. "Yeah *breath* I'm good" Standing up straight I used my tank as support when he suggested that maybe sitting down was the best option. Agreeing we sat on a swing set on the other side of the park from where I was originally. 

Swaying on the swing back and fourth slightly kicking my tank gently the sun kissed at my face making all of my skin warm up smoothly. 

"I don't want to seem rude but if you've been like for three years how do you still have..." He didn't finish his answer, he bit his pale pink bottom lip, letting his teeth dig into the soft flesh. I had a feeling I knew what he was going to ask but I had to be sure. "You can ask its okay" I encouraged. "How do you still have hair?" I was aware that someone with cancer like mine having hair was an unusual thing to see. 

"It's regrown back but it'll be gone again soon I guess" I admitted seeing old vision of bald me and knowing that I was going to relive that again since I've started a new cycle of chemo. "Oh...mines already going" I whispered with a sadden tone. It was very confronting to loose your hair and I could tell by the way he spoke he was scared of it.

Looking to the smaller boy he ran a hand through his inky hair and showed me his palm seeing a small chuck on inky black hair lay upon his pale skin. 

I frown feeling sorry for the boy. He looked generally terrified but I had an idea. I took the beanie from my head letting my short hair fall out and become messy with the slight wind. I stood up from the swing shuffling over to where he sat on his swing, standing in front of him I tucked his hair behind his ears and placed the grey beanie on his head then used a finger to get a small bit of hair to hang out from the front. 

Smiling I sat back down, he didn't speak he looked dumbfounded. 

"T-thankyou" He went red smiling with all teeth showing.


End file.
